- Pete Campbell becomes a stoner in California and it solves literally all his problems. You’d think it would take more than that, but it doesn’t.
- After a few episodes of subtle psychological warfare on the Chevy guys, Bob Benson somehow becomes the CEO of Chevy. No one questions it.
- An alternate universe episode consisting of a bunch of Ken’s short stories played out. (Is it so wrong to want a Twilight Zone episode with the cast of an AMC drama? I think not.)
- Don really needs to find out about Pete being the father. But in a comedic scene — I don’t want him to make Peggy feel bad about her terrible taste. She’s suffered enough for that.
- Roger cuts Margret out of his will and leaves everything to Kevin. (Roger does not need to die for this; Roger Sterling can live forever if he wants to.)
- I’m really worried about Tammy Campbell. I can’t think of anything that would fix that, but if something could make me less worried about Tammy Campbell, that would be nice.
- Don and Roger reconcile and/or either of them makes a few real friends, because neither of them really has friends, and that is very sad to me. They’re intelligent adults with drinking problems; they need good conversation and a support system (not that I think either would make a very good support system). 7a. Goes without saying: Don and Peggy reconcile. The show needs it.
- Don makes things work with someone. I hope Megan, I hope Rachel, I’d be down for Betty again. Don, are you okay? You’re not alone in this, buddy. (Note that I want Don to mature into a good husband, not for him to magically love someone enough, because obviously that has not been working for him.)
- Megan Draper takes Hollywood.
- Don Draper takes Hollywood.
- Peggy flies to the California office for a pitch, and when Ted takes her aside and tries to tell her that he’s still in love with her, Peggy tells him to eat a dick. Then she nails the pitch and it’s embarrassing for everyone who isn’t Peggy Olsen just how much they are not Peggy Olsen.
- Peggy sleeps with Stan and anyone else she feels like instead of getting trapped in bad relationships with guys who don’t understand her. She should basically work her way through the office and then the city, as is her right as Queen of Manhattan.
- Don and Sally live together in Hollywood and are the best/worst together. I mean, Sally’s already a lost cause for being well adjusted; she could at least learn to skirt responsibility as well as her father.
- Jim Culter’s kids show up and are played by Jason Dohring and Alyson Hannigan.
- More Ginsberg, my second favorite old-timey adult virgin from Brooklyn, after Steve Rogers. (I mean that as a much higher compliment than it sounds.)
- Could we get some not-white people in frame? Poor Dawn probably got the shaft now that she’s no longer Don’s secretary. Also, one black character is insane, even for 1969, if the show wants to be about changing times. Or New York City.
- Stonewall! I know Mad Men is not the show to tackle this, being all straight-cis conservatives, but it’s the only show taking place in 1969. They could try.
- No, but really, someone please explain Bob Benson to me. Someone find a way to fix Bob Benson so I don’t have to feel weird about loving that sociopathic, mother-murdering, try-hard gay grifter. I know we all had a good laugh about how worked up Pete got about his mom being murdered, but I believe in a moral universe where a show needs to clarify whether people have committed murder regardless of how amusing it is.
- An 18-year-old Glen Bishop comes to save Betty. “We can get married now! We can finally be together!” he says. “Dude, I’m right here,” says Henry Francis. Betty is flattered, and Henry’s annoyed about it for weeks.
- An epilogue. Sometimes epilogues are a terrible idea for expansive stories, but for a show this ambiguous, I think setting at least a few things straight is necessary.
Joan’s fine. Joan doesn’t need my internet lists.
Sara has a degree in television and a fear of squirrels (unrelated). Follow her thrilling saga on Twitter @binaryfission.
Image courtesy of AMC.